Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Justin's LiveJournal:

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Wednesday, March 10th, 2004
7:09 pm	mental masterbation When Nietzsche proclaimed that G-d is dead, he didn’t mean that no G-d exists, rather he alluded to the purpose of a deity is dead. We are no longer dependent on its value structure. In Ronald Barthes essay “the death of the author” Barthes argues the author is dead because she/he does not serve a function. It makes sense, death is the absence of a function. And life, is the ability to do something, have some purpose. But, if we have no impact, other than on the life we experience, are we really living, because similar to the author and Nietzsche’s conception of G-d, we are dead. We have no purpose. Just an interesting thought. Current Mood: lethargic Current Music: Mad Lib--Stormy (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, March 8th, 2004
9:27 am	So, yesterday was full of paper writting. Nothing to exciting. It was an awesome day outside yesterday too. I decided to go outside and eat. Adam thought it would be funny to have a katchup fight while we were chillin eatin outside. Not as cool as a gasline fight. But, speakin of Ben Stiller movies, Rich, Flip, and I went to the movies and saw stratsky and hutch. Great fucking movie, go see it if you can! (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, March 4th, 2004
11:24 am	Not to much adventure going on. I have been working my ass off writting different papers as the quater draws to an end. Oh well...sorry these posts are not exiciting. Oh ya. Fuck the people who judge. Seriously, this idea of hypocrasy is retarted. Like i think people should stay consistent on some level. But, if you hold people to everything they say it doesnt allow them to challenge their own ideas, to grow, to change. I mean there has to be allowed some wiggle room. Thats what Foucault was talking about the problem with an author function is. When you attach an ideology to the name it pre-cludes and ideological change. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, March 2nd, 2004
2:28 pm	Oh ya i smoked opium last night, that was the shit! It was an amazing feeling. So, last night was my last night with controlled substances for a little while. I was smoking so much pot, i could actually feel my self getting dumber. I figured that wasnt good, so i stopped for a while. (8 Comments |Comment on this)
2:24 pm	Sorry i have not updated in a while, my life has been crazy. I have finals next week, and just picked which classes i am taking next quater. On top of all that i have 3 papers to write, so its been a little crazy. Anyway, this weekend i drove down with adam and surprised my mom for her birthday. It was pretty bad ass, she was shocked! I saw what my new house in albuquerque is going to look like, its kinda lame, not going to lie to ya, but it doesnt matter. It's not like i am living there anymore. I saw some of my old friends, while they're still my buddies it makes me glad i am no longer in new mexico, my life would have been really lame, and monotenous. That's all for now. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, February 18th, 2004
8:58 am	Last night's drama is still with me, and to be honest i am embarrest i had to go through it. I guess last night was just the culmination of all the bad shit going on in my life hitting me at once. i was so angry and depressed icouldnt even form my emotions into cogent thought, rather i had to give similies and analogies, i still have alot of shit to figure out. (Comment on this)
12:24 am	I hate the fucking world. Life is a fucked up mental patient, bare, with nothing to offer but sick delusions of grandure. False hope, and the want of somthing more. Get off you're fucking soap box and start tellin the truth you whore, that there is nothing here and no point. Except the point of a gun, or a knife. Get off hopes fucking tit and realize its only you. Fuck the world, i am alone. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 17th, 2004
9:01 pm	Ah things to do. I was productive today, got a hair cut and wrote a paper. However i am in the mist of a decison between going to the boarder (local bar) or just sitting around and doing nothing. Hmm, things to do. Anyways my rant of the day: I hate when people mis-interpert what you say or do. An example is some girl thought i was hitting on her because i am nice and offerend to help them with homework. Just because i am nice doesnt mean i want to get in your pants. Another example is some girl took care of me when i was drunk twice, and i felt bad because i dont like being that drunk where some one has to take care of me, so i offered to buy her dinner in return for her kindness, but interperted it as me hitting on her, and makes things akward. Like, i joke around with everyone about makin babbies, and the like, but if i really like you, you wont know untill i want you to know. Seriously, if i call a girl more than once they think i am trying to get in their pants. Girls, you must understand, i am not like every guy, i dont talk to just to get down your pants, i am interestead in a girl as an individual. Thats the rant for right now Current Mood: frustrated Current Music: Vampires--Atmosphere (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, February 16th, 2004
11:58 pm	Ah my day. It started rather quickly with a knock at the door, leading me to my german class. After german i took my midterm in economics. And, of course as my life dictates, i spent all my times studying the wrong shit. Oh well. I got my paper back from english and i set the curve, and the teacher asked if she could keep it as an example. So the night reached its zynth at debate, where i got yelled at more and demeaned. Then, i did the worst thing ever, started thinking about my life in general. Every girl i meet, i dont feel a connection. I wish i could find that feeling again. It sounds pathetic, i know, but eh, it sucks. What's funny is people now read this, some critique my poor spelling, others critique my melo-dramatic attitude, but i say fuck it. This is what's going through my head, and i dont edit it. Some just dont understand it, because to them i am just another person. That's all we are. I often wonder what would it be like to watch my self, like a movie. But than i remeber that i would still be preciving my self, using my own paradigm of judgement etc. Oh ya, if anyone knows a nice girl, let me know. Current Mood: cynical Current Music: An episode of family guy (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, February 15th, 2004
11:50 pm	Sundays are rather blane. I am stoned though, that works Current Mood: creative Current Music: Non-Phorphets--The Cure (1 Comment |Comment on this)
9:53 am	So V-day was pretty good, while this may sound lame, the best part of the day was surprising my mom at brunch. She looked so happy to see me, and i am not going to lie, i was VERY happy to see her! Well, i found out i am living in denver this summer(Getting my own appt) which should be just plane bad ass, and also i am going to germany for a couple weeks this summer. I am really looking foward to going out of the country for the first time. V day dinner was pretty cool too, as each day goes on i am meeting more and more people, like i knew them on the surface level, but now i know them better than i have known them before. What's fucking annoying is that every girl wants to cuddle now, while thats not to bad, these people need to understand i have to sleep! kicking, snoaring, and the pissing of Rich are not the way i get sleep. Oh well, i guess i should be so lucky to have the problem. Everyone likes to cuddle, talk about the plight of the fat man. Well, rich is in Chicago, so i hope all is well. Also, when it comes to the lady situation, its just hard to find that girl, oh well we shall see what happens. Current Mood: sleepy Current Music: Non-Prophets--Space Man (Comment on this)
Friday, February 13th, 2004
11:06 pm	So today was pretty cool. We had 600$ worth of beer on the bus ride up to fort collins. It was all gone by the time we made it back to denver (this is between only 27 of the brothers). We went to bud and new belguim. And if you ever have the chance go to new belguim, best tour ever! The main problem though, is it went WAY over, like i had shit to do at 5 (going to a poetry reading to support my english teacher) and than it went over my date, and finally the monologues i was supposed to see. I hate feeling powerless, i had no car so i couldnt just leave. Oh well. (Comment on this)
12:06 pm	Man, Last night was a fucking blast! The bar party was awesome, except Los Margs are assholes, they kicked us out for being to crazy. Oh well, with brad on the beats i got drunk enough to dance WITH A TON of girls. It was a good time, didnt sleep to much, but eh, i'll live. The rest of the night is scattered with confused thoughts. But, I LOVE DZ's they're fucking cool girls. I am outtie for now Current Mood: Hung Over Current Music: JLive--30 things to do (Comment on this)
Thursday, February 12th, 2004
1:42 am	So ya i am a lil depressed about my montary situation at du, and how it may preclude me comming back next year. But, enough about that, kate saw me walking around the hall, and some how she could see through my false cheer ( a combination of events with tab, and finding out i may not go to this school next year put me down) she could see i was sad. So she took me aside and just made me feel better, tucked me in and kissed me on the cheek good night. While this may seem trival, somthing about her being able to see through me, and know exactly what to do chilled me to the bone. Like, i dont nessecarly like some one knowing me so well, how i work etc. I dont know why i am posting this, i just am. By the way i am going to try and get a photo album up online of my drunken adventures and the people i refer too in the journal, perhaps not sure. Current Mood: blah Current Music: These Walls-Atomsphere (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, February 11th, 2004
11:16 pm	Ok, so tab and i are over. I am not that hurt, but more upset because i made all these v-day plans. Like i was going to take her to this dinner costing 60 a plate and show her an aweseom time, but fuck it. Whats odd though is i am not hurt. I think the thing is i bought into self worth was reflected in the amount of girls you can get with. On top of that as a child many people didnt like me, ya know felt ugly kinda thing. I was that fat kid, untill high school, when i was loved by all haha. Regradless, like, i think its my effort to try and replay my childhood that i let girls get to me. I feel if they dont like me its that i am ugly, but the more i think about it the more a socail construction "whats attractive is". We want to date attractive people because it valdates us, or so i think. I am guilty of it. But comparing my situation of tab to what happend with kate, when i was with kate i didnt care what we did because i was with her, with tab it was all physical which i think proves my point. Tab's and I relationship was based on amazing sex. and to be frank it was kinda getting boaring. But i digress, like i think tab is an awesome girl, but i guess for whatever reason (she would not vocalize it) she didnt want to date anymore. I'll leave it at that, whatever. I guess i should accept i am no stud muffin, i am not the hottest guy, or even a hot guy. When i get with girls its because they think i am smart, or funny, or just a good person. All of them have different degress of truth. I mean girls hit on me, and to be honest i am done with the game i am tired of just hook ups, i am looking for a good girl, a good emotional connection. While the physical stuff is good, i can live with out it, getting laid all the time being a good thing is a social construction for males, this can be seen by the double standard of pimp vs slut mentality (guy gets alot of girls he is a pimp, a girl gets alot of guys shes a slut). The more i become aware of social constructions and reflections of different power discourse the more i become happy and transend it. One person asked me what was up with my live journal, i said its an ode to depression, which is most peoples live journals. I becomming more happy the less i care. I guess i realize i have alot of good friends that are here for me, and ill never have to worry about being lonely. Whether they're in rochester, california, denver, or albuquerque, i know they're all here and care about me. If you guys are reading this, all i have to say is thank you for dealing with my shit. Well, i am going to find a date for V-day and see where that goes....ill update Current Mood: apathetic Current Music: One Headlight--Wall Flowers (6 Comments |Comment on this)
4:38 pm	It seems the lord has decided to jerk off and cover the world in the white shit. (its snowing alot). I enjoy the snow, its pretty and a change of pace. So here is my plan so far for this weekend. Thursday night, i am going to our bar party (in which i planned!) at Las Margs, its going to be bad ass! Then, friday during the day i am going on tours of the different beer companies! (we're going to coors, bud, and new beldgum!). Then i am going out to dinner with tab for V-day. While we're not exclusive, i thought it would be fun to take her out. Saturday, my mom and dad are comming up to look at houses, so i am going to be with them that day (hence, why i am doing dinner on friday night). If i play my cards right they'll take me to whole foods and get me a hair cut. Than ill be going to this event chi phi is having, a date dash thing, ill prolly only be there for an hour or two. I dont know who to take, because i still want to meet other girls besides tab, we will see. Oh well, i helped the kids at east yesterday. But man, somtimes some of them dont understand when i say i am done helping with debate, i am done. Like i have a ton of other shit to do besides sit around and talk debate all night. I know they mean well, and i guess on some level its a taste of my own medicine. I know understand why berryhill blocks debaters online. Like some of them i invite to help online that night, thats cool, but others will keep going and it bugs. I may get a position at another school, actually teaching, but we shall see. In other news, there is a new AIM virus going around, dont download somthing that says Bin Laden has been caught, trust me you wouldnt hear the end of it on the news, its fake and oh ya Kate from U Rochester rocks my world, nothing but albuquerque love Current Mood: Content Current Music: Onesphere--Atompshere (Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 10th, 2004
1:42 am	I saw kate again tonight, she came into the room, with her innocent flirty smile. It was like a dager right into my inside. I cover it up, a slight smile, a cheerful hello, to cover the hurt quivering little boy inside. My mouth may say one thing, but in my eyes you can see somthing totally different. I dont know why it hurts still? It rips my heart right out. It's so confusing. If it hurts so much it must be ment to be, but i guess in another time, and in another circumstance. What's the worst thing, is i cant go a day with out seeing her, she lives on my hall. I also see her with her boyfriend all the time, and thats about the worst part of the day. In the movie office space, there is this great quote "Every day of my life is the worst, each day worse then the next" while my life isnt that bad, when i see kate, especially with her boyfriend, it hurts worse each time i see it. I thought i was supposed to go the other way. This is a cruel trick. Current Mood: sad Current Music: Jimmy Eat World--Dont Call (Comment on this)
Monday, February 9th, 2004
9:53 pm	Ya, so another day, i sleep through economics. I know its bad, but eh, what can you do? Haha, so i got to sit and talk to my english teacher for a good hour or two, she is one fucking awesome lady. She said that i had real promise and she could help me get publised with a few altercations. I think thats the best news i have heard in a long time. But, i dont want to get my hopes up too high. However, what i am pissed off is my debate coach. She is a fucking cunt. She deamns only me, calls me stupied etc. I have never heard one positive thing come out of her mouth about me. Like tonight was the first night i have debated since UNI(2nd weekend in sep) yet, i did really fucking well, her only comment was not to spill a cup. She decided to redicule me because i accidently spilled a cup. There is a double standard, you can see it with the way she treats me, vs the way she treats ana. What a fucking cunt. that's all i got to say. I am glad she is leaving. However, she is plotting somthing bad for me before she leaves(i dont know what yet) apperanlty i am her biggist mistake. Well, all i got to say is at least i am not the result of a broken profliatic and a midnight groub fest. I had respect for her, and i really dont hate anyone per se, but this lady takes the cake. Fucking bitch. Current Mood: annoyed Current Music: Everclear--You Make Me Feel Like A Whore (Comment on this)
Sunday, February 8th, 2004
11:52 pm	What's in my freezer: Bottle of Tangeria Bottle of grey goose bottle of red wine (not sure which) 12 blue moons monday night seems promising (Comment on this)
11:44 pm	So, it was another lay back sunday. Filled with paper writting, and test studying. Believe it or not, i do some school work at this great university. Nuts eh? Ok, so i talked with some friends and i am going to go back on the marekt. Oy, dating is so fucking anoying. Most of the time the girl cant even hold a good converstation, thats the worst. Ya know, where you just kidna stare at each other during dinner, filled with akwards laughs and lots of bathroom breaks to call other friends. Wow, the joys of dating. Current Mood: mellow Current Music: California Stars--Wilco (Comment on this)